why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
