I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
