I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
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You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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