a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
