Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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