He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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