The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
