I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
