my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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