is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
