I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
