dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just tell him i said nine months
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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