i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
