I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
