How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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