is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
