don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
