you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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