Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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