I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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