5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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