And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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