Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
