similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
