can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
