I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Blood and glitter go together right?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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