If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
