I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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