Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
