Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
