Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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