i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
