My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am midnight drunk by noon
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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