I wish I could teleport
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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