I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I have demons in me.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
