my vag is so smooth its legendary
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
