R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
this boner is exhausting
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
