i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
