there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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