what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
