Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
