My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
