if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
