I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize