I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I can text with my tongue
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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