If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
the raccoons are back...
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