I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
