I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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