Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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