You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
