I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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