absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
