I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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