kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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