dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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