i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
