Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
