Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
