There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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