He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in your delicious
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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