Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
