Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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