White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
