best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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