You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
