I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
