he thought i was a dude.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
