She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
