YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
