i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
