i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
