You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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