Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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