ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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