I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He passed out mid-signature
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
