if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
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You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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