I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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