Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
