Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
